2016

Massacre on Aisle 12

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If given an opportunity, Massacre on Aisle 12 will find a receptive audience.

Whether that says something positive about the movie itself or something not so flattering about movie fans in general these days is an open question, but there will be those who love Massacre on Aisle 12.

They’re the ones who have always thought that Jim Carrey’s brand of humor is a bit too subtle. They’re the ones who appreciate a nice, long, gratuitous boob shot in the opening minutes of a movie. They’re the ones who believe that the Wayans brothers have a very sophisticated take on urban drug culture. They’re the ones who reward homophobic jokes with uncontrollable spasms of giggles. They’re the ones who prefer stereotypes to characters. And they’re the ones who generally favor strippers over actresses in their horror films…

Click here to read Madison Film Guy’s FULL review of MASSACRE ON AISLE 12 at Horrornews.net!

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We All Fall Down

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Perfect teeth.

The overwhelming takeaway of We All Fall Down is that pretty much every character has absolutely perfect teeth. Forget that they are living in a post-apocalyptic word, and forget that the survivors must scrounge the countryside for food and water. Forget that supplies are scarce, that danger lurks behind every tree, and that the bodies of the fallen litter the streets. Forget even that some of the characters are essentially mindless savages, raised from childhood as mute warriors brainwashed to do nothing but serve their mistress. Even those guys have perfect teeth!

In fact, one might say that had as much effort gone into the storytelling and performances of We All Fall Down as went into the apparently painstaking dental care of its characters, it might have been a more interesting movie.

Click here to read Madison Film Guy’s FULL review of WE ALL FALL DOWN at Horrornews.net!

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Arbor Demon

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At some point, it’s really fair to ask: why would anyone ever go camping ever again? It’s dirty. There’s no bathroom. Not a single Dunkin Donuts anywhere in sight. Forget showering in the morning. The bugs can crawl right into your mouth mid-snore. Oh, and on top of it all, there is all manner of criminal and creature waiting to murder you in the dark of the night.

It might be a werewolf interrupting your moonlit sexcapades. It might be a masked stalker chasing you through the mud and the murk. It might be feral pack of homicidal hillbillies ready to feast on your flesh. Bigfoot. Clowns. Predator aliens. Bats. Piranha. Or sometimes—just sometimes—there might be a kooky, crazy Arbor Demon waiting for you in the woods….

Click here to read Madison Film Guy’s FULL review of ARBOR DEMON at Horrornews.net!

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The Red Man

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Certain filmmakers wear the incoherence of their films like a badge of honor, from relatively mainstream directors like David Lynch and Darren Aronofsky to experimental filmmakers across every genre. When you have a track record of excellence or undeniable potential, you get a pass. When you don’t, not so much. Or, as Crash Davis said so well to his rookie pitcher in Bull Durham, “If you win twenty in the show, you can let the fungus grow back [on your shower shoes] and the press will think you’re colorful. Until you win twenty in the show, however, it means you are a slob.”

It is unclear yet if writer/director Jimmie Gonzalez will make it to the proverbial show just yet, but the relative incoherence of his rookie effort The Red Man somewhat undermines what otherwise is a very solid effort by both Gonzalez and his team.

Click here to read Madison Film Guy’s FULL review of THE RED MAN at Horrornews.net!

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Spectral

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The cool thing about science fiction—whether it be timeless literature, matinee classics, or episodic series delivered through popular streaming services—is that there’s almost always more there than meets the eye. Damn the budget, the star power, the pedigree, and—yes—even the quality, science fiction is usually about ideas. Even the bad ones generally have something to say.

The 2016 release Spectral is no different…

Click here to read Madison Film Guy’s FULL review of SPECTRAL at Horrornews.net!

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I Know You’re In There

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Just a little less than halfway into the movie, the central character looks into a home video camera—his full-frame face showing a small, bloody gash over his right eye—and says, as if he is revealing all the secrets of the universe, “As you can see, I’ve hit my head.”

And that’s about as subtle as it gets in the new horror/thriller I Know You’re in There….

Click here to read Madison Film Guy’s FULL review of I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE at Horrornews.net!

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Bornless Ones

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Bornless Ones jumps right into the action, picking up in the final moments of a supernatural slaughter intended to set the stage for the rest of the action of the film. A tortured mother—in severe physical and emotional distress—faces off against some sort of vengeful demon that may or may not be her daughter. The demon needs a playmate, you see, and the mother and daughter will serve the purpose for just as long as the two of them can survive. It’s not that long.

From there, Bornless Ones does not take much time off to rest. Apart from some silly business in a rural gas station (anyone who has ever seen a horror movie is familiar with this scene), a little bit of light partying, a lot of awkward talky exposition, and some leering shots of a topless actress whose only previous film or TV credit was “Briefcase Model”, first-time writer/director Alexander Babaev plunges his characters and audience into a non-stop horror show that succeeds in spots but never quite lives up to its aspirations…

Click here to read Madison Film Guy’s FULL review of BORNLESS ONES at Horrornews.net!

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Before I Wake

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Little Cody is a special boy. Sweet but reserved. Eager but cautious. Loving but damaged. Oh, and when Cody sleeps, his dreams spring to life and intersect with the real world in the most amazing and wondrous ways. Most of the time, at least. But sometimes, when Cody struggles with his darkest nightmares and most intimate fears, his inner demons reach out savagely to threaten and endanger everyone around him.

Before I Wake, director Mike Flanagan’s latest, turns out to be a pretty standard issue, paint by the numbers horror-thriller of the think-twice-before-you-take-in-that-stray-child variety. Despite some solid performances, slick production values, and effective creature design, Before I Wake definitely drags in places, with moments of suspense and shock too few and far in between…

Click here to read Madison Film Guy’s FULL review of BEFORE I WAKE at Horrornews.net!

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Adam K

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Late in the 2016 thriller Adam K, one of the central characters is run through by the sharp end of a crow bar, which is thrust entirely through her body from back to front, must certainly have ruined one or more of her key internal organs, and very likely may have severed her spinal column. Moments later, after the crude steal spear is pulled savagely out of her, she spends the rest of the film walking with a slight limp.

I point this out just in case the remainder of this review suggests that Adam K is a credible, high-quality film.  It is not….

Click here to read Madison Film Guy’s FULL review of ADAM K at Horrornews.net!

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